“Might wanna pack up your scalpels and head back to Miami while your souls are still in tack.”

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Season 5- Parts one and two

Episode 1: Carly Summers
Written by Ryan Murphy Directed by Charles Haid
Having moved their entire lives over to the west coast, the boys go two months without a single surgery. Needing to find some way to market themselves out to their newest audience. Especially considering the lack of plastic needing to inject around their new surroundings. Finding the one unmarked face belonging to Fiona (Lauren Hutton), their soon to be agent. Who immediately thinks of the ‘hit’ show, Hearts & Scalpels. Of which Freddy Prune (Oliver Platt) was the uninformed Director with his clueless lead in Aiden Stone (Bradley Cooper). Unaware if those behind the show actually knew in how humorous it was, the boys decide to tack on a producer credit if able to throw in their two cents about the correct way to go about. Finally able to gain some credit after featuring Sean on an episode and recognized while out and about; Christian so desperate for the same attention.
Working on two interesting side stories in which they name one patient ‘Pussy Lips’ with the other featuring Tia Carrere as a professional dominatrix.

Episode 2: Joyce & Sharon Monroe
Written by Ryan Murphy Directed by Charles Haid
As the Hollywood Square comes into play, we find two Marilyn’s fighting over the same spot. Merilee Brasch (Sharon) and Susan Griffiths (Joyce) both making gorgeous renditions of the starlet. Christian, so willing to stoop down to the same level, admittedly having had Miami by the balls. But in a new town, L.A. at that, it was hard for one to compete with. Deciding to take his vanity to the next level by posing for Playgirl and when not satisfied with the results completely in the end, finding comfort in the pair that had decided they could make more with one another instead of going against the other.
With news of Julia coming into town for an announcement sure to have deterred Sean’s current attention from his co-star Kate, who he had recently began attempting to date. As far as the announcement? Meant as a way of introducing her new partner; Olivia.

Episode 3: Everette Poe
Written by Lyn Greene & Richard Levine Directed by Richard Levine
As Liz takes out the girls in order to get to know Olivia a bit more, Sean meets Eden (AnnaLynne McCord); half sex kitten, the other clearly associated to the bride of Chucky. Noticing her breathtaking looks as do most those around her. Refusing to repair her hymen after an inappropriate visit to his office leaves him all hot and bothered. Perhaps more so at the recent train wreck of which his relationship with Kate only seemed to be headed. Having always struggled with her weight, she had recently been doing whatever it took in order to maintain such, early in the episode proving quite disastrous.
Meanwhile, also hearing from Matt who had finally ‘left’ Kimber with claims that she had become a junkie, wanting in no further part for him or his daughter. Reality setting in as he took some money and sped back to his wife as they continued to spiral down.
Christian meeting up with Julia in order to get something off his chest, and out of her system, before parting ways; never quite able to mesh the times when wanting the other…oh, those cruel wicked games.

Episode 4: Dawn Budge II
Written by Jennifer Salt Directed by Charles Haid
It seems each time we catch up with Dawn, her luck just doesn’t seem to get any better. Attacked by an Eagle while out hang gliding and unable to speak, she goes to McNamara/Troy as a former patient relying on trust; or so she thought. While somewhat out of their power, allows for a random pedestrian to wonder in stating he was sent to collect stool samples. Also, not the case. Though rewarded with whatever she would want in hopes it could ever suffice for the violation, she asks to come on set of Hearts & Scalpels. Falling in love the moment laying eyes on Freddy; who was in current debt after a stage light so carelessly fell atop her head. Again, that’s some pretty crappy luck.
Christian meets Gwen (Claudia Christian) who had heard of him through a mutual friend. Happy to oblige in any unusual requests, sexually, and hers being quite the doozy. Gaining an obsession with death ever since her sister had passed away and her mother committed suicide in turn. Asking for something extremely particular. Wishing to be placed in a tub of ice so as to become numb. Then injected with a tranquilizer so that after her body temp dropped, she could be brought back to life with the warmth of Christian’s body.

Episode 5: Chaz Darling
Written & Directed by Sean Jablonski
As Matt and Kimber reached the bottom depths of Wonderland; their addiction reached full-blown status. So far as her beginning to give her body in order to score (no pun intended), and ripping up the carpets as she could even swear to have had ‘heard’ change underneath. Eventually going to her old studio of which she helped ‘distribute’ porn for. Selling her sap story of getting screwed over by the Church (Scientology) as all their money was taken. Though too far gone for the moment, her addiction clearly written across her face, they ask if Matt would consider doing a couple of films as a bottom feeder. Tempted in that what other choice did he have after seeing what their selfish choices were doing to their growing daughter.
While Eden seemed to forget that while she had age working for her, a man like Christian had time, inner demons and years of experience to back him up. Going to him with a threat, if not performing a simple surgery on her GBF (gay best friend), informing Sean of how he had recently slept with Julia. Going so far as to show him a tape of Julia with Olly admitting stating she was the better lover, leaving him no choice but to fight back. Able to get her put in rehab for the next six weeks after going to her mother proclaiming her addiction.
With Sean daring to spice up things in the bedroom with Kate as per a patients suggestion, agrees to try a swingers party, something Kate seems to be more on board with more than anything.

Episode 6: Damien Sands
Written by Hank Chilton Directed by Charles Haid
Agent (Fiona) gets them a possible reality show spot as the rest of the show is done in such a manner. So, just think of any reality show that you may have seen or skimmed by on the TV and basically you have your Episode. Complete with interviews with the ‘camera,’ mass drama to ensue and ‘New York’ aka Tiffany Pollard from the show Flavor of Love. Which happened due to the shows rather odd fascination from the crew for the show at the time.
As expected Christian vies for the spotlight and pours gossip around the office. As while Sean is able to sneak in a kiss with Eden, the same incident happened with Liz and Olly. Only it didn’t stay secret for long and Julia storms into the practice with threats for her so thought friend of the family. ‘Plastic Fantastic’ contracted to do thirteen episodes but fell short on the likeability scale (thank god) and was cancelled immediately.

Episode 7: Dr. Joshua Lee
Written & Directed by Brad Falchuk
With their share of encountering a plethora of unusual patients, it seemed more so for Dr. Lee (George Coe). Asking for a chip to be removed of which had been implanted by aliens that had abducted him. The Doctors indeed finding a chip within his skull that they remove and further examine, finding that it did seem to be from, out of this world…dare they say. Visited by his daughter as she explained how he had escaped from the nursing home residing in; despite his claims of not knowing what she was talking about nor who she was for that matter.
Sean, struggling with his age after landing a catch like Eden and lasting about as long as his erection. Unsure of a next move until taken under Aidan’s (Bradley Cooper) wing and invited to a party. Flaunting his bravado with those around him in an attempt to land her once again; though it would seem it would be his age that caught up with him in the end.
While Kimber has no time to waste and decides to trade the Docs surgery in order to fix her appearance for leaving Matt, ever so effortlessly.
Poor Julia and Olivia stuck in a nightmare as a gun is pulled on them and they are held at gunpoint whilst driving to any ATM’s available so as to retrieve whatever was had to offer. Though the situation escalates for a brief period, it’s Julia that is able to step up and finally taunt back; their car stolen and left alone out in the middle of nowhere in the end.

Episode 8: Duke Collins
Written by Lyn Greene & Richard Levine Directed by Elodie Keene
In the last few moments of the previous episode, Matt is seen falling into the pool from he second story after attempting his own meth lab and catching afire. Receiving thirty percent burns over his body, he meets a nurse who knows his pain and tenfold and all too well.
While Christian, Julia and Sean do their traditional Secret Santa with the latter unaware of the true secret being withheld. The secret affair going on behind his and Olly’s back while cutting it a bit close one afternoon as Sean unexpectedly arrived home; Christian forced to hide Julia.
Though ‘tis the season for being thankful as Christmas carolers step into crypt territory and a mall Santa is shot in the face by his son after asking what he waned for the holiday. The little boy responding with whether he listened at all, being the same thing he asked for every year.

Episode 9: Rachel Ben Natan
Written by Jennifer Salt Directed by Charles Haid
Having aided with Matt’s surgery, Rachel (Maggie Siff) was lately having an abnormal amount of pain in one of her cheeks. Discovering a part of tooth fragment that had been left inside, due to the scars occurring from the suicide bomber of which has also been giving her terrible nightmares.
Things on set of Hearts & Scalpels not going so well with Freddy deciding to have the cast get a float in the Gay Pride Parade as a means of opening up to their audience. Dawn coming forth after attacked, ONCE AGAIN, at the parade and admits to having always found herself dating those hidden within the closet.
Julia’s condition worsening as she take notice in the previous episode of Eden going to a lot of trouble to bake her a fruit cake with her own special ingredient (poison). Her nose having begun to bleed and things deteriorating between her and Christian as a receptionist was hired that he wasn’t able to refuse, though once again disgruntled when she’s replaced with Gina.

Episode 10: Magda and Jeff
Written by Hank Chilton Directed by Craig Zisk
Poor Jeff (Robert Grant) had married Magda (Selma Stern) twenty-one years ago with the assumption that she would die shortly after due to her old age. Forced to get surgery in order to appear as ‘more a man’ by placing facial hair. Though deciding while in recovery that throwing his life away wasn’t worth it; daring to leave and no surprise when he’s offered more incentives if only staying. Sure to not live for too much longer. Unrelenting as the irony of it all being she outlived him; having a seizure while at the mercy of her endless requests.
Not the only one to receive their last hoo-ray while on their way out of this world. Julia, looking no better, receives vicious whispers of Christian’s acts that lead to him inquiring if she would later meet him that night atop a restaurant. Serving Gina with a restraining order and giving the best exit for any of the characters on the show. Can’t say she didn’t completely have it coming!
We also receive the introduction of Colleen Rose (Sharon Gless; another personal favorite) who was an agent with the appropriately named, ‘Colleen Rose Agency.’ Chiming in at the just the right moment to defend and show Sean she could make him the star she believed him to be. Getting  a hold of enough evidence to force front runner Aidan into rehab as a sexaholic while Sean took his place. Celebrating with Colleen who becomes belligerent and ends up hitting on him.

Episode 11: Kyle Ainge
Written by Brad Falchuk & hank Chilton
After the announcement of Gina’s presumed suicide, Christian hears of Wilbur apparently having begun biting his classmates of which was  recommended that perhaps he no longer attend. Finding that it had been the teacher with an odd fixation, winning in the end and altering any evidence (by capping her teeth) that could otherwise commit her. Ultimately explaining to Wilbur of his mother’s disappearance though simply unknowing on how to inform his son in the awful news at hand.
As the CAA (Creative Artists Agency) takes notice of Sean and Colleen begins to show her jealous side. Going for a consult to ask about having her hammertoe removed before award season. Showing him a hobby that she possessed as she presents him with a ‘Sean’ bear. Like a Build-A-Bear only, much more creepy. Seeing a side perhaps thought to obtain yet not sure of until inviting over Agent Bob to talk about Sean merging with CAA. Having made him his own doll, complete with a Bluetooth and fangs; recreating the doll in human form, unable to hide her jealousy any longer.

Episode 12: Lulu Grandiron
Written & Directed by Brad Falchuk
As the boys grow in their fame, each feels as though at the top of their game before hitting the hard face of reality. Sean, hearing from publicist Bliss (Leslie Grossman) about the truth behind Colleen’s day job. Running a kiosk at the mall where she sold her bears. Incapable of taking the embarrassment felt once discovered and breaking into Sean’s home later in hopes of getting the attention so desperately seeking.
And Christian, approached by a group of elite within the town, in cahoots with the whose who were looking for a new plastic surgeon that they could sink their teeth into. Impressing at the interview and beginning the ladies first round of surgeries, its not until Lulu’s (Donna Mills) operation that they feel they had gone in the wrong direction. Making her out to be a cat, it seemed she had gone off her meds which had been the cause of her most recent request.
Kimber taking full advantage of Eden, pulling her in to her profession and doing a first film with her, needing to fix her eye after hitting her in the heat of the moment.

Episode 13: August Walden
Written & Directed by Sean Jablonski
Sick and tired off receiving terrible reviews for his acting, Sean approaches Walden (Steven J. Oliver) about his appearance, choosing to take out the way he felt on those he reviewed as a means of feeling better about himself. Taking him in and offering a couple free surgeries in order to catch the eye of a girl at the coffee bar that he wrote at. Though karma being far too vicious and in the end, his cruel intentions coming back around to state their own endeavors.
Small town girl Emme (Jeannine Kaspar) visits McNamara/Troy in hopes of having the birthmark covering half her face removed. Introduced to Matt by Christian after hearing of Rachel moving back to Israel. The two going out and hitting it off so well that he pops her cherry right before finding that with his oh so great luck, the reason she was in town was to inform Christian of him actually being her father.
With Olivia back in town Julia ended her little affair, getting the results from some tests back concerning her illness; discovering she’d been diagnosed with a type of Mercury poisoning (Hyrargyria) and confronts her evil ‘step-daughter’ about such. Taking her revenge to the next step as she retrieves a gun from the bedroom and fires off one meaningful round.

Episode 14: Candy Richards
Written by Jennifer Salt Directed by Richard Levine
While not until this episode of Christian’s actual discovery of his bastard child, he finds that while her mother may have been the looker back in the day, a lot had changed in the last quarter of the century. All the while Matt and Emme surging forward in their pursuit to persuade their parents that what they had was in fact love.
Candy (Stifler’s mom) coming back to show off the botched work needing repair from her trip to Thailand.  Planning to make a comeback while leaking her own story. Ready to exit the building to the gala of paparazzi but disheartened when it’s Christian and Annie (who finally returned for an appearance) that are bombarded to their car and eventually, off the road where they’re forced into a crash that leaves both badly cut up.
The coma of which Julia had slipped into had been determined as a suicide attempt as per Eden’s testimony, going so far as to even say she tried to stop her, but Sean knowing better and not buying into her tall tales. Though waking up to ensure Eden grew full of panic. We leave the first half of the season with Sean in turmoil as Colleen is sure to plot her own vengeance, sneaking into the practice just as Sean was operating on Annie to rid her of her scars.  (End of Part one)

Episode 15: Ronnie Chase
Written by Ryan Murphy Directed by Brad Falchuk
Finally we get the other perspective (from Colleen) finding her way into the practice; practically an easy enough endeavor. Though Liz is able to make it to Annie just in time, it’s Sean’s blood they follow down a path indicating that while he may have let his guard down too soon, he was able to prevail, bound to a wheelchair that lets months pass before catching back up with the characters.
Though otherwise ‘ok’ to start back up again, Sean gains a fear from his previous incident and keeps to the wheelchair; teaching as a means of staying linked in some manner. Liz wishing to have him operate on her for her breast reduction yet declining. Taking note rather to a bright individual within his UCLA classes, Raj Paresh (Adhir Kalyan). Feeling proud after his own son informed him he would start taking classes in hopes of following in his father’s footsteps.
With Liz almost obtaining a scare that instead, is transferred over to Christian who discovers that he’s developed a cancer that normally would only affect woman.

Episode 16: Gene Shelly
Written by Lyn Greene & Richard Levine Directed by Richard Levine
With Julia’s memory so fogged; especially after told from her former husband that they were still together. She’s able to repay that kindness in the end by spilling his little secret of actually being set to walk.
A transgender couple comes into the office to shake things up a bit. Christian begins treatment with help from Liz after Kimber had laughed in his face. Calling her in the middle of the night to confess in needing someone; finally! As she not only stays by his side the whole night, but doesn’t have any rebuttals when in the middle of such Christian awakes to have his way with her, attempting to claim in actually having been asleep.
Sean, still unable to overcome his disability has a strange occurrence with another one of his students that he found very attractive having a mommy fetish. Certainly a theme of this season.

Episode 17: Roxy St. James
Written by Jennifer Salt Directed by Lyn Greene
A rather odd way to leave the Candy Richards storyline as she comes back with the discovery of being ‘part black’ and in turn wanting to start her rap career. Complete with the entire look as well as the music video. Which honestly, could have been left out.
Attending a support group for his newly discovered breast cancer, Christian meets Roxy; who while didn’t currently have cancer, wanted a double mastectomy due to it affecting several woman in her family. Drastic measures being taken after asking the Doctor to perform the surgery for her and unable to be as persuasive as her next action.
With Julia and Olivia’s life in full motion, they planned on going back to New York within the next three weeks. Olly having a last surgery before such when it seemed Sean couldn’t keep his concentration during and almost lost her. But not until taken to the Hospital that she flat lines due to the antidepressants taking; not detailing in such. Poor Eden left with a canister of ashes, gladly pouring her mother’s remains over those she felt were to blame. Julia deciding to still move out to New York permanently.

Episode 18: Ricky Wells
Written by Brad Falchuk Directed by John Scott
Periodically throughout the series there were several patients encountered that were sure to make you think of some correlation back to a story you had heard of going on otherwise in the world. With one of the most disturbing ensuing in this episode as Ricky comes to the boys with hopes of looking a bit older for his wife. Of which he had met in second grade, yet didn’t see again until later in seventh grade. When the affair with his teacher begun, it was shortly after that, that she went to prison, knowing all too well that they couldn’t have any say in the matter once he turned eighteen. Pregnant and happier than ever, it’s Ricky’s wish to not appear as young once his child was born. Giving him plenty of facial hair that once completed, didn’t get the reaction hoping for. A lost cause in the end as he later finds his wife in bed with his much younger brother; a sickness, clearly.
While Raj is asked to mentor Matt, confiding in that it had only been his father’s wish that he continued in the medical field, pleading to slam a door on him which guaranteed a future unsure of even able to regain all of the feeling back into his fingers.

Episode 19: Manny Skerritt
Written by Ryan Murphy Directed by Dirk Wallace Craft
Kimber finally flips her lid once going to Christian with claims of wanting to give her baby a hint of botox to obtain fuller lips the baby modeling agencies wished to acquire. With good ol granddad deciding that he could be the manager instead of listening to “the Steve’s” of which encouraged such an outrageous thought. Disappointed once seeing the benefits of attaining such a friendship and in the end, letting Kimber gladly take the blame for the assurance of his granddaughters future.
With Teddy (Katee Sackhoff) temporarily taking over for Liz, she attaches herself to Sean, daring his inner demons to come out and play. Filled with too many on her own for him to keep out; dealing with another matter at hand. Aidan having returned with a brand new script entitled The Deadly Tightrope. Based on his and Colleen’s story, he would play Sean with Morgan Fairchild cast as the Agent. Denied the rights though meeting up with Sean once again after breaking his neck for attempting to achieve what another patient couldn’t help himself from doing.

Episode 20: Budi Sabri
Written & Directed by Hank Chilton
Finding the boys at a rather confusing stage in their lives, once again, it seemed try as he might that Sean couldn’t keep up and what was worse, he kept running circles in an attempt of actually trying to maintain Teddy’s speed.
Christian finding that his cancer had not only come back but was given a mere six months left to live. Taking the time to visit Liz in Miami after sleeping with him the first time brought back emotions similarly shared with patient Sophia. Unsure in a matter of wanting a woman or man more, simply wanting to know who she was as a person. Though enjoying life in Miami, hears the truth of the real reason she had been visited by the old friend, though decides in the end to move back to LA with him and say yes to his proposal. The only one that had unselfishly nursed him back when left alone in the dark.

Episode 21: Allegra Caldarello
Written & Directed by Sean Jablonski
With the wedding in full swing, Liz’s mother comes into town in order to open up old wounds. The berating old ghost that had come to whisper any negative thoughts pertaining to her daughter’s happiness. Tough her husband to be seemed more interested in nothing else, he was already planning a trip to Italy for them along with Wilbur for after the ceremony. As well as hiring a replacement with a rather odd fetish unaware of until caught in the act. Though Liz able to stand up to her mother once at her bachelorette shower, enough being just that.

Episode 22: Giselle Blaylock and Legend Chandler
Written by Lyn Greene & Richard Levine Directed by Lyn Greene
While things hadn’t exactly progressed with Teddy in the past episode or so, it was clear that while achieving adrenaline was more her thing, the lengths of which she would go in order to obtain such were quite scary. Leading a double life as Dixie down in Las Vegas, she skips out on Sean with calms of an Aunt dying and forced to go down to Houston in order to identify the body.
Kimber’s left homeless after Eden convinces Ram to throw her out. Forced to put Jenna in Matt’s custody until further notice, hearing of the ceremony she couldn’t help but go put her two cents into. Staying for half and walking out dramatically as a means of showing Christian what he was leaving behind. All packed and ready to go, he receives a call that somehow his results had gotten mixed up and in fact had been cleared; what a mix-up indeed.  Knowing the man as well by this point, any guesses for his next move?

At this point in the show, while unaware of their intentions of how much longer they would keep things running, it was clear that things were nearing the end. I didn’t find myself enjoying the Teddy storyline though an easy favorite was the progression with Colleen in the few but important episodes she belonged to. The reason for its fascination being based on several factors. Besides the excellent portrayal of Sharon Gless, the mere idea of someone being able to watch you from a distance, know things about your life, then suddenly find themselves interjecting as though any other normal event. When in reality their intentions cannot be helped for they are only their sickness and remain incapable of confronting the true inner demons. The final episode was anti-climatic and not so questioning because of course we know what will happen. Or at least, if unsure, then you haven’t been paying attention to the trends within the show. Especially by comparison to the first half of the season in which I recall watching live and remembering the dismay that came with having to wait in order to see the results of such; really the peak of the season. Though I did also like that Liz was featured more into the series and not simply kept in the background. There was certainly a few endings coming up in the last season that I wouldn’t otherwise have seen coming. Yet necessary in order to bring our characters round full circle.

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