I looked through my past today. No, not in some reflective, “Oh, let me ponder where my life has brought me” or silly notions as such. I sat down, took out all my photo albums and took a trip into my past. I can’t seem to remember this girl in front of me. Not sure if I even want to. I couldn’t believe how much had changed. Again, not in some “Oh my, how I have grown” tawdry revelation or anything. There is not one person that I still have in my life. Not one.
I found pictures of me with my grandfather. I miss him. I tried to say goodbye but…I guess it wasn’t meant to be. He was the only person in my family I ever felt a connection to. We understood each other in ways our clan did not. He was a great man. No matter what, my family didn’t seem to “get” his cold behavior. His reason for being stern yet sure of what he wanted in life and…I miss him. Breathe Tasha. I’m trying…
I miss our talks. I miss what he would confide in me. I just miss him. The only thing my family ever seemed to ask of him was money. That’s how some families are I suppose. Perhaps part of the reason it’s been so
easy to not have them around. Going on 15 months now. From what it sounded like, perhaps it was best I wasn’t able to see him in his last days. I had to hear from someone who heard from someone else that he was even sick. I called, I did try. I wanted to say goodbye to only him, just him. And now he’s gone. I miss you. I didn’t mean to put you in the same corner as them. Now, it’s too late. This silence eludes me. I’m sorry grandpa, I should have been there. Now, silence is my only friend.